I can't exactly put my finger on why I have never been keen on the idea of roadside shrines to accident victims. I have always winced a little as I have driven past. Why do they make me feel uncomfortable?
I suppose on the one hand a shrine is a little bit Catholic. I think down here in the Westcountry we do seem to be very protestant in our tastes. Not showy. The overt nature of the shine is counter to that preference.
Something more though about grieving in general.
Are roadside shrines more common since we've more or less stopped burying our dead? Nowadays we get a cremation and an urn of ashes. We scatter the ashes. No headstone or memorial.
My preference has been always to advise relatives dealing with the ashes to choose a favourite spot of the deceased where they will always be able to return to remember.
I don't think that the roadside is the best place to do this.
Surely by doing that we remember the death and are reminded of our grief.
Go instead to a favourite place and remember their life and in doing so it gradually helps our grief resolve. Don't lay a wreath on a verge on the anniversary of a death. Instead, visit the place you used to enjoy together on the anniversary of their birthday or something more vital.
My mother, buried in a graveyard in Somerset, told me that I shouldn’t visit her grave because she wouldn’t be there. I’ve been once in 25 years, and then because I happened to be driving past. If I were killed in a car, as my mother was, like her, I wouldn’t want my loved ones to think that I’d be at the side of a road for time immemorial - I am hoping to go somewhere better. And I’d prefer the flowers unwrapped and given to my widow and family.
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